Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road? Post your jokes or funny comments here!

No officer, I didn't kick him off that cliff... I just applied a force to him that accelerated him forward. Gravity applied the force that pushed him in a downward direction. If anything, you should also blame air resistance for supplying an inadequate upward force to balance out the downward force of gravity and the ground for supplying too great of an upward force on his body.

What did one light bulb say to the other???



:I ?



WATT'S UP??????

:Laff:

Umm..

More of a funny/random/crazy theory:

We all know that cats always land on their paws right? Well, Sandwiches with butter on them always lands with the butter-side down.

So, If you put a sandwich with the butter up in a cats back and throws the cat up in the air, it will make eternal spins in the air and will never land!

Get it?

What did a sandwich say to another?

Nothing! Sandwiches don't talk!!! :Laff: :Laff: :Laff:

why isn't my spore computer working...? BECAUSE IT ISN'T!!!!!

How many pessimists does it take to fix a lightbulb? None. They're all convinced some idiot put it in too tight, so it's probably not broken anyway.

Signing off,
3DBlenderRender

I'm in shape - isn't a circle a shape? (Just Kidding)

Signing off,
3DBlenderRender

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Answer:
Where's my tractor?



HILARIOUS

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, NOOB KICKS CHUCK NOR- OH WAIT CHUCK NORRIS BREAKS RULES OF SOVIET RUSSIA JOKES... made that up myself

Q: How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A: You open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

A: Open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. Which animal doesn't come?

A: The elephant, because it's inside the refrigerator.

Q: How do you get across a river filled with alligators without getting eaten?

A: You swim across, because all the alligators are at the animal conference.

Gelatino95 wrote:

Q: How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A: You open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

A: Open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. Which animal doesn't come?

A: The elephant, because it's inside the refrigerator.

Q: How do you get across a river filled with alligators without getting eaten?

A: You swim across, because all the alligators are at the animal conference.

:Laff:

A guy walks into a bar... and says ow.

sorry guys, but only byballs made a real joke :Laff:

I've got so many more....

A guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he meets an angel. The angel tells him that he must get his wings, house, halo, and furniture to live in heaven. The man nods, and heads over to the wing shoppe. He thinks that there's going to be a HUGE line, because so many people die every day. But when he gets there, there is no line. He shrugs and gets his wings. Next he goes to the halo shoppe. Again, there is no line. He asks why at the shoppe, but the clerk just tells him not to worry. So the man gets his halo and moves on to the real estate. He thinks that the line there will be huge, because real estate takes A LONG time to get. But again, no line. So he gets a house, and moves on to the furniture store. To his surprise, still no line. He gets some nice white furniture, and goes back to his house to find something to do. He gets pamphlet that shows all the night club to go to, and he chooses one where all t he celebrities go. When he gets there, there's no line, so goes in and meets Michael Jackson, Thomas Edison, and Ronald Reagan, the first dead president. But after a while, he gets thirsty, and goes outside to get a drink. And there's no punch line.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''


Another one:
How many yankees does it take to screw in an lightbulb?

None. Thats what rednecks are for.

how many emos does it take to change a light bulb?

two: one to change it and another to write a sad poem about how they missed the old light bulb

Why is Europe like a frying pan?

They both have Greece at the bottom! :Laff:

Have you heard the joke about the Ceiling Fan?

It really blows.

Okay, this next one is ACUALLY pretty funny.

A blonde, A brunette, and a redhead have been kidnapped by a Murderer and the Murderer tell them that they can go free IF they can manage to shove 10 fruits up their butt. (Yeah, I know. O__o) and they are not allowed to show any emotion while the do it, or he kills her. The redhead tries with apples. She manges to do 4, but then she starts screaming in pain. She's dead. The brunette tries with grapes. She is up to her 10th grape, but she then bursts out in laughter. She's dead.

In Heaven, the Redhead asks the Brunette why she started laughing right at the end, as she was doing so well. The brunette answered: "Because I saw the blonde come in with Pineapples!"

A couple of classics:

A horse walks into a bar, and the bar tender says "Why the long face?"

A termite walks into a bar, and says "Is the bar tender here?"

A duck walks into a bar, eats, then leaves without paying. The bartender asks if he's going to pay, and the duck says "Put it on my bill."

Gelatino95 wrote:

A couple of classics:

A horse walks into a bar, and the bar tender says "Why the long face?"

A termite walks into a bar, and says "Is the bar tender here?"

A duck walks into a bar, eats, then leaves without paying. The bartender asks if he's going to pay, and the duck says "Put it on my bill."

Trust me, The last joke is WAY funnier if the duck walked into a lipstick store. :P

what's Captain Fosta's favorite saying?

A) Your Face!

B) go die in a hole

C) You, just got OWNED.

camelfox wrote:

what's Captain Fosta's favorite saying?

A) Your Face!

B) go die in a hole

C) You, just got OWNED.

Umm... I'm gonna guess C.